Desolation

19th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


I don’t like to dream,
I end up dreaming of you.
You bless my closed eyes and my gentle breathing.

I’ve relived every scenario
And even created a new life.

The dream comes on high tide
On a full moon
On a stormy night.


Invitation 1 to 12.
Declined.

I only see you in my dreams.
I’m always hunting,
You always shun.

It has become more than a dream now.
Not a nightmare

But reality.

Inamorato

18th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-

The courtyard, full of roses.
The beach, full of waves.
The night sky, full of stars.
My senses tingle.


The lovers,
They kiss.

The enemies,
They fight.


For we are in the real world -
And it sure is difficult.

We can disconnect.
We can realise.
We can find our inner-self’s.

But I will tell you, if the world were mine;
We would only have lovers.

Caressing Your Dialect

17th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-

Every word you speak,
Every breath that slips of your tongue on each syllable.
Like a tree falling - the wolves ears rise.
The blood shuddering through the skin.
The hairs jump to attention like the corn in the wind.

For your voice, it is but the wind.
Drifting through the leaves,
Through my hair
And jumping the wave’s white.



Your voice simply mean’s nothing.
Indescribable language of impossibility through complication.

Untouchable you will drift.
But always, will those syllables make the trees fall.




My veins you elevated; you will never slip from their memories.

Oh Please

16th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-

I can’t count my anus on my hands.
I can’t find every memory of them in my head.
I can’t want them all back.

I wont find comfort in their words.
I wont want another passionate night from them.
I wont Entirely forget them.

I’ve moved on.






But I do want that commitment back.
I do want the companionship back.


And I am forgetting what love feels like.

Erasure

15th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-

Memory distortion throughout childhood.
Where are you Father?
Where are you Mother?

It’s me I’m climbing trees again.
It’s the shed and your being beaten the shit out of.
It’s me waiting for you Dad, waiting for you to turn up.
I think I understand Mum?

The past aches in my mind attached to my heart.
Ouch this hurts.

Elastic

14th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-

Stretch,
Stretch,
Stretch apart.

Further you stretch us all apart.
New bands people enter.
I don’t want a new band.

Stretch-ing.
No but ill snap soon.

Glass

13th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


Expose for a long time,
You never capture me in your frame.

Transparency.
A ghost like glass.
Solid to the viewer,
Breakable to the blow.

You see right through me never finding the true compounds.

But now your trying to test the microscope.
Stop!

I shall shatter at the glare.

Understand?

12th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


If I ever choose death over life,
It’s nothing personal.

The world seems to shock me daily -
That’s all.

If they ever find a way of reading a dead person’s emotions -
You’d understand.

Mechanics

11th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


Forth and back,
Forth and back.
Forth and back,
Forth and back.
The noise of loading a shotgun.
Constantly and faster.

This is not sex dear.
We have come to a halt.
All out of steam.
It is but a train.



You ask me now what I wish for?
I am just as confused as the people on the train,
Wondering why it’s stopped in between the stations for so long.

This train is out of ambition,
Out of steam.

Tiny

10th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


Something so insignificant -
Too you.
Is such a skyscraper too me.

I’m a house of cards,
And the slightest movement makes me fall.

Easy now,
Gently.

The suspense makes me anxious,
Just fucking blow me down already.

Oh Lover!

9th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

Also featured within monoprints.
 

-x-


Oh lover! How I long for your touch, for the rush that runs through my veins-
Straight too my heart.
Oh lover! How I have to feel your touch-
Caressing, wet and the movement, oh the movement!

My bones run misplaced and indifferent with you.
My mind runs straight to the core, touching every nerve and every sense.


Oh but I don’t have a lover.

Just names
Many, many,
many.
Scars to my mind, running flesh torn to the bone. It is but a dream- but a nightmare.

Oh lover! Feel me again, for I have found the source you call water. The steed has stopped and the world spins crooked.
Oh lover! Take my hand and rub gently, touching every vein, line and squeeze-




Oh lover! Take me away - disconnect me from this world again for it is all but a dream.
A dream which never includes you again.

Names! Names! Names!!
Many names.
I am ashamed.
Disgust.

End-orphin’s

9th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-




The pack awaits,
Hungry.
Blood dripping from jaws-
The last meal.

Howling, calling, wanting, craving.
The flesh, the pain, the insecurity.



I am the pack.
The wolves,
The lions,
The tigers,
The coyotes,
The martyr.

Disconnection.
Tearing my own inside out - to try and find happiness.



This isn’t over.

Hurdles and Aches

8th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-



Running from them,
Approaching them?
Differences and Similarities?


Negative outcomes nether the less.

Glass full, glass empty?
An inevitability.

Sodality

7th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-

In memory of Deborah Katz



I am but another soldier caught up in the fire.
The fire of emotional insecurity and depression.

I am another soldier who wishes to fall.
Let go of me fuckers-
I Want to end this.

Rich Imprinting Coward

6th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


Captivating,
Your body against mine.
Time slows for this moment,
Your pupils covered,
But still your eyes confronting me.

Your embracing skin-
Binding us.
Your Midas touch,
With a quick swift of a movement.
I’m but your gold.
You make me rich in your abundance,
In awe, I hold onto this moment.
You’ve made me bounteous-
No-more empty.

Plentiful, until you cower like a dog,
Run like a lion,
Then fly like bird.
Your wings still imprinting.

You have but left me,
Escaped.

Optimism

5th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


The walls of Troy hold fast,
Strong and secure.
The kings protection.
He feels safe without squatters.

A single soldier stands at the gate.
Rejection.

An offering must be made,
A plea.
Rejected.


A scheduled visit will be made,
Like the Trojan Horse - more of a trap.
The horse was taken in the castle walls,
Breaching the gates and to be contemplated.

Decision finalized-
The horse was burnt.
Rejected.

Trapped burning-
The Martyr never screamed.
He fell like the walls of Troy would,
Declining, dropping and desecrating his core.



A lamb walked straight into the wolves den.
The pack’s sub-conscious hunger took over-
A frenzy.

It was but Aphrodite’s plea to Apollo-
Holding onto the last strands;
Declining,
Pushing,,
Slipping,
Falling.

The walls were nothing more than his Achilles heel,
Rejected.

Attatchment Catalyst

4th Poem.
Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


Raw and undeveloped.
I’m taken in by your focus,
That glare into my pupils.
I see you glisten,
Then explore your touch, your stroke.

Lips touching
Tongues transferring
Lips biting
Tongues entwining.
An enchantment has entered,
Eating-me-up!

Then triggered to a frenzy,
The bursting blow burning through my veins.

My Knight pulls his sword from his sheath,
Shining and striking.
I’m alert.

Knocking me down,
His allure is all that’s on my mind.
Until he wants to strike me.


Will he enter?

“Do it” I tell myself.
I have to please,
Satisfy.
Not mentioning  my craving for him,
An appetite to be fully occupied.

He draws the sword back
And I’m awaiting the blow.
It is slow and strong-
Like a poison, I’m in pain of his sword.
Fragility over time,
An over-repair, a bodily precaution.
My Knight see’s this, hears the moan of rejection.
I speak uncomfortably.


Then the blade pulled out as fast as a comet.
He stand’s down.
Relief, but then-
Guilt.

Astrologically Apart

3rd Poem.

Exceptional Unshared Feeling

-x-


For I am the moon
And I wish the sparkle in your eyes for every night-
Not having to set.

When I sparkle in your eyes,
I see your heart for a split second and all the stars become rancid.


But you are but the sun-
escaping the moon at each chance.

Pursuit Of Your Insecurity

2nd Poem
Exceptional Unshared Feeling


-x-


Bonded molecules-
Split.
Disruption within scales.

Memories, a box near empty.
Optimism, something I overflowed.

I’m trying to restrain your wings
But your feathers are slipping straight out of my fingers.
Beautifully soft, you fuss to escape - pardoning.



You paralyse me with your words.
My mane is blown by the wind
As I ready myself for the hunt.
I am still but an exposed cub,
And it is feeding time for the vultures.
Circling and lingering for one wrong move.
They will turn me into a carcass-
Given half the chance.









Your words paralyse me still.
When my paws are ready I will seek.
You are my prey.
I will not consign,
As easy as I did.

I am but a lion cub-
Paralysed by your withdrawal.

Love Is My Drug

1st Poem
Exceptional Unshared Feeling


-x-


That smell,
The smell of you.
Lingering.
I'm pondering.


The scent you leave behind,
Seducing.

Come on take me now.!

I need my dose of you-
give me my trip.

Before I Upload The Whole Of "Exceptional Unshared Feeling"

I can't push enough on how i wish it to be read.
On here it will be posted in reverse order as it will be in time order.
I will number the poems as i want them read.
Please read them in order!

Thanks.


First installment tonight more then likely.

So that's the Second Book.

I hope you enjoyed the poems i featured from the first two books.
I shall start uploading the whole of the third book asap.
for now here's some more cover art.

Treason To My Own Heart

The last poem from "Sleepless Nights - Dreaming Of You" my 2nd book.

-x-


 Song of lust,
Song of love,
Envious patterns.
All absent.


Longing trail of thoughts lying, sleeping on my mind.
Sleepless nights - Dreaming of you.

But the time has come,
Where I give in.
Where I must watch
And keep my heart to myself.
A selfish motive?
No!
Treason to my own heart.


Were call it a short break-
A vocation.
Like a business trip.

Subject: Self control.

Sit back and watch the world-
Pass on by.

If, But and Why

From "Sleepless Nights - Dreaming Of You" my 2nd book.

-x-


If I could get inside my head.
If I could get inside my heart.
If I could get inside my thoughts.
If I could read through every line I speak.

If I could change history.
If I could read your mind.
If I could get back into your heart.
If I could of met you again for the first time.

If I could remake the decisions I made.
If I could stop myself from doing things.
If I could stop myself from meeting people.

If I could change my life plan.
If I could change every word I wrote.

If I could make sure I never met anyone else.
If I could make sure I never got in debt.
If I could make sure I never had that job.

If I hadn’t slept with them.
If I had never felt lust.
If I had never felt longing.
If I had never felt love.
If I had never cried over them.
If I had never wanted them back.

Only,
If I wasn’t human.

A Petrified Memory, A Release Of Feelings

From "Sleepless Nights - Dreaming Of You" my 2nd book.

-x-


Face fading.
With your voice.
Effortlessly deconstructing.



Holding on,    Snatching up.






When you expose a photograph to light,
It destroys itself.
Like a plan to hide it’s existence.


Don’t loose me.

Come Back?

From "Sleepless Nights - Dreaming Of You" my 2nd book.

-x-


My eyes purple and restless,
The lack of sleep-
Companionless.

I hate piers,
You feel so insecure
And fragile walking down them.
I said my farewells every time at the pier.

I cried that last time.



That sand timer stopped,
Never will you be detached from my defragmented mind.




Come back too me,
In to my cold arms.
Hold my hand,
And never let it go.


Come back too me,
I am still but a child-
Your child.

A Wet Pillow, Some Cold Sheets

From "Sleepless Nights - Dreaming Of You" my 2nd book.

-x-


You sleep with me every night-
Well every night that I can sleep.
Which isn’t much.



Sleepless nights-
Dreaming about you.



You know everything,
You know, every little blunder,

And dirty tale of those sheets.



You know every tear.
You watch me cry.


You divide yourself into two.

I only have half,
The other side is cold.
Like a heart,
Bitter and lifeless.




But you are just wood,
Wood and metal.
No company at all.
In fact you make me sadder.
Remind me of how alone I am.


I wish we both had him back on the left side.
A territory uncrossed.

Till then I will sleep on my side.




You are just my bed.
Cold and lifeless.

Solitary Companionship

Right this is the second poem from the 2nd book now - "Sleepless Nights - Dreaming Of You". Enjoy.



-x-


Stately took my heart in two hands and warmed it.
What he didn’t understand was that he rubbed it too hard-
It burnt.
Scarred.

Derelict again,
I lay awake-
Dormant.


I’m going to miss Stately.

I have now lost a companionship,
A lover.
All secrets released to him,
A book of truths in his mind.

He left me to play with the wolves,
My mind fragmented and confused.
Fragile and insecure, I cry.

I thought I could release the Reinforced Heart,
But little did I know,
I left myself far to open for a direct hit.
I still protected myself, somehow?



Regarding my heart though-
I will reinforce again,
With a strong defense.
This time I will cage and chain.

Release this heart I wear on my sleeve,
I wish for it to leave the unprotected area
And take cover while it can.


I’m going to hide,
Hide from truths and lust.
But this will be impossible.
So the fountains will flow,
And sadness has come.
Fight the struggle and surcome to this inevitable feeling.

Change is here,
Let’s move to the new pathway.
The pathway - solitary.

Reinforced Heart To Release

 So this is the start of the 2nd book "Sleepless Nights - Dreaming Of You"
I hope you enjoy these few from this series, you should notice some more extended, repeated imagery.

 -x-


This is the end of the lust trail,
the final ending.
My final feeling is coming,
I won’t feel lust soon,
just the feeling I’ve been longing;
one syllable – Love.

Since I let my yellow bird fly,
I set my heart free,
free and vacant.

That’s when he entered,
fresh, pure and stately.




No more shall I carry a Reinforced Heart.
As open as I can be, I will trust and commit.
For it is my turn to hear The Song of Love,
That precious tune, that melody of addiction.
The re-written version will be disconnected,
the original re-found
but personalized by stately.

Honoured I feel to share the New Song of Love;
I hear its introduction already.

This one’s truly captivating.

End of Reinforced Hearts Poems

So they were the ones i selected from my first book "Reinforced Hearts".
The second book will be up here soon; again i shall select certain ones.
For now enjoy the cover art.

The Vacancy You Left (The Leftovers)

"Reinforced Hearts"

-x-


What you left,
Was disgusting.

A carcass,
Bones,
Fat.
You left no song for me.

The garbage which no-one wants.
I know this because I haven’t been able to sow my seeds since.

My heart has warm doors,
People in,
People out.
Short visits.

But I will still await dormant.
A volcano awaiting eruption.


But still worried,
Of extinction.

They can say, there are more people out there,
They can say, your find someone.

But it’s all some shit about love.






I’m now walking away,
Away from the paths in which we could cross.
To invest into my safety.

But remember I could,
Promise happiness,
Like the sun, I could light your path.
Like the moon, I could shimmer in your heart.
But after the spin I’ve seen the calculations again,
And no more shall I try to collect in your heart.
And for now I will feel solitary until I can find some-
Commitment.

The Song Of First Love

Throwing these ongoing metaphors out for understanding into later poems.
"Reinforced Hearts"


-x-


When you left with the restraint,
I fell apart.
You were far away.
But I knew I would see you soon.
Maybe things would be different.
I shouldn’t have thought that.

I shouldn’t have ever thought that.

I built myself up so high,
That it kills a part of me each time I fall.

You came home,
I waited for your first contact,
It wasn't long.

Images of you and him,
Many-
A weeks worth.

The blow was so disturbing.
Like a nightmare,
But I couldn’t awake.
Yes,
There were tears.

There were only so many images
I could take.


But a background beat,
The drums you don’t quite notice.
I listen closely.
I hear your song.



You must hear it too?
Because now I'm listening through your ears.

That beautiful ballad,
I remember it-
When my last seeds blossomed.
This one’s better than The Song of Love,
It’s the Song of First Love.

That harmony of the unexpected,
The unbelievable truth and
Confusion of what’s reality.
The thoughts of never ending,
Never leaving,
Your future together.

The catchy beats your never forget.


I will step back.

Your enjoy this one.

And I will be here,
At the end,
When the tears come.
And when I’m ready to read your poem.

Withdrawn

"Reinforced Hearts"

-x-



Never the same,
Time has shown this.
It’s been far too long.

He sure was perfect,
But maybe there’s no such thing?

Perfect or pure,
Aphrodite left me to fight
My own battle.
So now I have nothing left to bless love.

Others would take to
Best friends.
I’m different.
I wanted,
I tried,
I failed.

As faithful as I wanted to be,
As strong as I wanted to be,
I had so much to commit.
I came right out of my cove for him.
I was overthrown,
Overpowered.

Oh why would I want
To fight for love again.

The Song Of Love

Again from "Reinforced Hearts" i'm skipping alot from the first two books just to paint the picture of the 3rd.


-x-



I miss you so much,
Your intense feeling,
Your rush.
The hold you used to have on me,
The hold you had on my heart.

I want to cry at night without you,
Like a child without its blanket,
I need to be held by you.
A lonely pilgrim trying to find an inner belief.


I find myself loosing what you used to feel like,
My thirst for your strength and passion withers-
In my heart.
The one you used to be devoted too.

It just feels like the feeling won’t be back anytime soon.
A derelict space waiting for immigration.



You whisper in the air,
That beautiful song you sing,
The Song of Love.
I re-wrote it though,
For you my dearest
But now it sounds desperate and is no longer the
Song of Love-
But the Song of Lust.

This is now the only ballad I hear now;
With your chorus it whispers back into the air.
And I wait…

Waiting for your arrival,
To move your things back in,
To re-sing the song
And to help me throw my blanket away.

Calculations

So this one is from my first book "Reinforced Hearts" which was completed approximately August 2008.

-x-


Daily not weekly,
Daily not monthly,
Daily not annually,
Daily not yearly,
Like the milk it should be fresh.

I need to work into you,
Like a daily exercise,
No change will appear in my heart-
If were just a hobby.

For you
different.
What you feel is fine,
I feel will never be eternal.

Your absence creates pain,
The feeling of solitary.
Before you, unaccompanied and now
I hope I don’t sound too ungrateful?
But this feels like exceptional unshared feeling.

Your absence created too much pain,
No more shall I feel this,
No more will I try to collect in your heart.
For now I will feel solitary until I can find some-
Commitment.

Here's The Plan

I will post everyday or every few days, a new piece of literature or photography or art or something i just have to share on this blog.

I hope you enjoy.